The Self Salutation Newsletter

This week, I’ll continue with the series on how you can use the Self Salutation to pull yourself out of it when you find yourself caught up in a negative state.

In the first message of the series, I shared the high-level view of how the Self Salutation process works.

In the second message, I explained how to resolve most negative feelings by alternating between the three core meditations in the Self Salutation: the Eagle, Moose, and Lion.

In the second message, however, I kept things on the theoretical level. This week, I’ll go back over the same ground as last week, but I’ll share an example of a common scenario in life.

Wish You’d See the Light Syndrome

So here’s the scenario. You find yourself frustrated by the shortcomings of someone important in your life.

It could be a spouse, a parent, a child—or anyone really. The dynamic is the same regardless of that person’s role in your life.

Let’s suppose you had encountered that same issue yesterday and today you find yourself rehearsing a conversation in your mind, trying to make them see the effect their behavior has on you—trying to get the perfect angle so you can wake them up to what a jerk they’re being.

You wish you could stop thinking about it but that conversation keeps churning on in the background.

Is it time for an ultimatum? Maybe that’s the only thing that could work, you worry.

The problem is that when you search for the perfect gotcha angle it’s illusive. Even in your mind, this other person always snaps back with an infuriating response.

You’re caught in what I call Wish You’d See the Light Syndrome.

The first step can be the hardest

Now, at this point, you’re certain that the problem is definitely 100% their problem. The evidence is clear. They must change.

The idea of taking ownership for your feelings regardless of how they behave is far from your mind. What is there to take ownership of? You’re not even angry—or so you assure yourself.

You’re just, perhaps, a bit frustrated. And who wouldn’t be?

Still, you feel yourself going around in circles about this problem, and you want to relax. You remember this email newsletter you’ve been reading about the Self Salutation, so you sit down to meditate.

What a victory! That first step is beyond huge.

I don’t know how long you’ve been at this, but it took me years and years to come to the point of making that first step of taking ownership for the way I feel rather than being swept around in life (or repressing all of my emotions).

Some people never take that step. So with that decision alone you can feel good about yourself!

The Eagle Meditation

You first turn to the Eagle Meditation, the meditation in the series where you lift yourself up to the highest state of consciousness you can in ten breaths.

This creates a bit space between yourself and the challenge you’re wrestling with. You break free from the negativity just a bit.

You sit for a moment after that meditation and a small crack in your self-assurance appears.

You realize you do seem triggered. Maybe there’s more going on than you thought.

After all, a threat to this relationship is frightening—and you were considering drastic measures. What if they don’t respond the way you want to your ultimatum?

You start to notice fear building in your heart. Things are getting messy.

The Moose Meditation

You want to sooth the fears that are surfacing in your heart, so you turn to the Moose Meditation.

You fill your heart with love and acceptance as best you can. You let yourself know deep in your heart that it’s okay that you’re afraid.

It’s okay that you’re frustrated with this person, that’s part of relationships.

It’s okay that you’re confused, even.

You have the wherewithal to make it through any challenge that life throws at you. You’re connected to a current of love that runs through you, and you’re starting to tap into that current right now.

When your heart becomes pacified, you remember the Labyrinth of Repressed Emotions.

A small voice says that maybe your Little Emperor got his feathers ruffled.

The Lion Meditation

Next, you turn to the Lion meditation to see if there’s something for you to uncover.

As you summon your courage to feel whatever feelings are within your heart, you recognize that—contrary to what you told yourself earlier—you are angry.

Yesterday’s exchange got under your skin.

You lean into that feeling and allow yourself to have a moment of anger.

You remember that it’s okay that you have some anger. It’s not the great mortal failure you fear it is. It won’t destroy you. It doesn’t even need to threaten this relationship—if you process your feelings.

So you summon the courage to face the anger within you.

Hey, you’ve made another amazing step!

We all hate to recognize our Little Empress—especially when she surfaces in the relationships we care about most. Learning to let her have a moment in the sun is a massive step.

Gradually, you allow yourself to feel the anger you have toward this other person. As it surfaces, you realize you’re not just a little angry. You’re pissed. Indignant, even.

Thing are getting real.

Sorting through the Labyrinth

As you breathe through your rage, you realize the problem isn’t just this person. You’re angry with everyone who ever messed with you or let you down the way this person just did.

This depth of anger—rage, even—frightens you.

So you return to the Moose Meditation for a few breaths of assurance. It’s okay. You’re just a human having a human experience. There is an end to this and you may be close, even.

You’re tempted to fire off a text right about now, but you remember that you’re here to process your feelings first.

You also find yourself getting caught up trying to figure out what this means for your relationship.

But you remember that right now is not the time for that. You’re allowing these emotions to have the moment of expression they need in order to discharge them.

When you’ve completed the process, you’ll be in a position to work on solutions. For now, none of that matters.

Within your heart, you allow yourself a chance to rage. You tell this person off.

In fact, you tell everyone off. When the feelings are already there in your heart, the honest recognition of them is the best thing you can do to move through them.

So in this safe space you’ve created, you don’t try to censor yourself. You don’t worry about being fair. You let your Little Emperor be as mean and petty as he needs to be. That’s his specialty, after all.

Entering the Garden of Vulnerability

After a few minutes of raging—and a few minutes is often all you generally need—you start to find your way to the Garden of Vulnerability.

You shift your focus and uncover what’s beneath the anger. You probe to see what your Little Emperor is protecting you from experiencing.

You ask yourself: why is this particular behavior so upsetting?

To get at what’s going on, you return to the Lion Meditation for a few breaths to call forth all the courage within you. This also helps you transition away from your anger.

Perhaps you do the Moose Meditation as well, reminding yourself that whatever the emotion is behind this rage, it’s okay. It’s all okay.

Gradually, something emerges. You realize that the reason this specific behavior is so intolerable for you is not just because it’s immature.

Sure, it would be great if this person could grow up about this issue, but the honest truth of the matter is that the reason you find it so triggering is… fear.

Underneath it all, you’re afraid of failure in this area of your life. Or abandonment, or some other weakness.

Rather than run from the feeling, you take a few deep breaths and allow the fear to wash over you with all its tenderness.

You’ve entered the Garden of Vulnerability. You’ve uncovered the core negative emotion that was at the root of your negative feelings.

When this happens, you have a sense of clarity that you’ve hit the truth. You’ve gotten to the heart of the matter.

Yes, it's time again to shift to filling your heart with the felt experience of love and acceptance.

The Little Empress has become the frightened young girl she is beneath it all, and now you need to care for her. You fill this part of your heart with love and acceptance.

Let her know that no matter what happens in this difficult world, you will always be there for her—and you are tapped in to a current of love that you always have access to.

As you fill yourself with love and acceptance, you heal this part of yourself. You become free from this vulnerable fear that was driving you in unseen ways.

Now isn’t that process a whole lot better than stewing in frustration for days on end or repressing your negative feelings until they burst out in a moment of intensity?

If you were reading closely you’ll notice that I said that from the onset that the above process can resolve most negative feelings.

But what about the rest of them?

Well, I’ll cover that part of the process next week.

Peace,

Simon

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more, you can read the entire process in the book available here.

P.S.S. If you found this newsletter helpful then please share it with a friend! When you do, you’ll get a free mp3 of a 10-minute version of the Self Salutation as a thank you. Just click below to share: